The Kind Point January 31, 2025

Crotch Roulette

Hi! I'm Jeff, if you're reading this, it's because I view you as someone I'd want to sit down over matcha and chat about life with. I'll be sending this newsletter out every few weeks or so. If it's not your jam, feel free to unsubscribe, I won't be offended!

There my mom and I sat, talking about bidets, as mothers and sons do. I’d told her that Terry and I were going to install a high-tech Japanese bidet toilet in our primary bathroom. She asked me how it worked.

“It not only has a heated seat, but there’s a warm spray of water that shoots up from below and either cleans your front hoohoo or your back hoohoo.” Such a scientific answer.

“Do you have a choice?” she asked.

I snorted with laughter. “What, like crotch roulette? Every time you sit you get a surprise squirt?”

She started to laugh along with me. We giggled about it throughout the day.

Later, I asked if she felt ridiculed.

“No! Not at all. I just wasn’t sure how the thing worked. That’s why I asked.”

In fairness to her, the question showed me that I hadn’t explained the bidet very well.

Innocence and curiosity are superpowers. They not only help us learn new things, but like with the bidet story, they can reveal assumptions and poke at theories and premises that seem airtight.

But being vulnerable enough to express our innocence and curiosity can be hard.

I used to teach a folk-art program to local schools in Monterey, California. Nearly all the younger kids would raise their hands whenever I asked them questions about what they saw.

But by third grade, that number fell dramatically. The sixth graders? They wouldn’t raise their hands. They just sat there, looking as uninterested as they could.

It disappointed me, but who was I to judge? Some older kids once teased me in seventh grade when I admitted I liked ABBA. I spent the next day practicing expressions in the mirror: nonchalance with a shoulder shrug, and disgust, headshake and all.

Most of us were teased—at school, on sports teams, in our families—for not knowing something, and then worked hard to hide our ignorance. When your position on the food chain is precarious, a line of defense is a smart move. It builds a wall that creates some distance from people intent on ridiculing you.

But then you grow up and get a job where you’re paid to be smart and know things.

Or at least make sure that your boss doesn’t think you’re stupid.

How many of us have been asked to adopt a beginner’s mind, maybe in a yoga class or a group discussion? To put our own life experience aside for even five minutes? It’s hard. Our cub scout brains are geared to show others what we know, and to reward us with dopamine hits.

But a world of discovery awaits us just beyond the wall of “I already know.”

Don’t believe me? Worried that you’ll look like a fool? Try it. Ask a question about something you don’t understand. I promise that you won’t die, even if your ego says otherwise. You might learn something new. You’ll also give somebody else the chance to shine and even get closer to them in the process.

Something Kind

What I'm Reading ​ What I'm Reading ​Be Ready When the Luck Happens​ by Ina Garten I just finished listening to Ina Garten's memoir Be Ready When the Luck Happens. I've been her fan since 2009, but learned so much more about her life. I even baked her lemon cake recipe from Barefoot Contessa Parties! cookbook after finishing the memoir. I hadn't made it in forever. So tasty! ​Buy the memoir here.​

What I'm Watching ​Yellowface and the Publishing Industry’s Myths on Diversity​ From @cravebooksreaders: "While discussing Yellowface with RF Kuang, the conversation explored the myths and realities of diversity in publishing. The pervasive belief that it’s “impossible” to get published as a white author was dissected, revealing its roots in the neoliberal logic of diversity quotas and artificial opportunities." Jeff's addition: "Brilliant!" ​Watch it here.​

You're Invited To: ​Untamed Stories: ​Sensuality as a Pathway to Rewilding​ A safe and brave circle co-facilitated by the wonderful Em House and me. Join us in swapping the stories that matter to us, and to focus on the idea of sensuality as a vehicle headed toward the untamed. When: Feb 13, 2025 at 5:30pmPT Where: Zoom Cost: $100, or pay what you can.Respond to this email if you have any questions, we would LOVE for you to join us! ​Click here to join us virtually on February 13th at 5:30pmPT.​