The Kind Point January 9th, 2025

Eating Paper

Hi! I'm Jeff, if you're reading this, it's because I view you as someone I'd want to sit down over matcha and chat about life with. I'll be sending this newsletter out every few weeks or so. If it's not your jam, feel free to unsubscribe, I won't be offended!

While studying in Taipei in 1992, a new friend and I went out for breakfast before class. She held up one of the steamed buns she’d ordered and admitted that she almost ate the white paper on the bottom the first time she had one.

“Can you imagine?” she asked, laughing at herself.

Actually, I could. I’d been there for about three months and had been eating two steamed buns nearly every morning before school. Apparently, as I discovered in just that moment, paper and all. A rough estimate? Easily over a hundred.

My next thought was, “Is that why the women behind the counter always giggle when I walk in?”

My next thought? ‘Admit this to no one.’

Life in Taipei was chockablock full of new experiences, from navigating visa extensions at local police stations to buying name chops so I could open a student bank account—all done in Mandarin, a language I only spoke adequately at the time. There were holiday no-nos, deadly snakes to avoid in the countryside, weather so hot and humid I wanted to weep. All so different from the little corner of West Seattle where I grew up.

I regularly found myself not knowing what to do. I made a lot of blunders. Some days I laughed it off with my new friends. Like the time I took a ripe mango and a bottle of soda off an altar to the dead outside of a convenience store, thinking they were free samples.

But I was young and eager to prove myself to the world. And there I was, in a country and culture where nothing was familiar.

There were days when my ego couldn’t take any more. In what must have been a defense tactic, I began to decrease the amount of stories I told where I played the fool, and increase those where others were the idiots. I collected them like currency. “You won’t believe what so-and-so did at the airport the other day!” I’d exclaim to my friends. These stories centered on students who were newer to Taiwan than me, even if just by a few months.

Typical sophomoric attitude. As if I knew so much more.

This habit of mean-spirited teasing grew into something crusty. Something caked over. I had to do a lot of scraping away at it before I could reconnect with the kinder, more innocent parts of myself. I started that work in my mid-twenties. I still do it today.

Even for this issue I’d planned to write about the power of innocence by telling charming anecdotes of other people and their foibles, before I caught myself hiding behind them like a barricade.

Today I can cut my twenty-something self a lot of slack and offer myself some kindness. I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions back then, let alone cultivate relationships where I could be completely honest without the fear of losing face.

Plus, it’s relatively easy to look back twenty years or more and regard myself with a gentler perspective.

Can I do the same for the me of twenty minutes ago? Can I say, “Be easy on yourself, friend. You hadn’t been in that situation before. Now that you know better, you can do better”?

Not always. Seems like I need to go through a process of reactivity, confusion, embarrassment, and self-castigation before reaching a modicum of acceptance. I would like to narrow the timeframe, if not down to twenty minutes, at least to less than a decade. Or even a week.

I think that’s a useful endeavor for 2025. Who wants to join me?

In the meantime, stay curious folks, It’s a good antidote to crustiness, and makes life a lot sweeter.

Yours truly,

Jeff the Paper Eater

Something Kind

What I'm Reading ​ What I'm Watching ​The Norwegian Postal Service's Instagram​ A lovely video from the Norwegian Postal Service, an LGBTQIA+ ally. Who knew? Dare ya not to cry. ​Shed a tear with me here.​

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You're Invited To: ​Untamed Stories: ​Sensuality as a Pathway to Rewilding​ A safe and brave circle co-facilitated by the wonderful Em House and me. Join us in swapping the stories that matter to us, and to focus on the idea of sensuality as a vehicle headed toward the untamed. When: Feb 13, 2025 at 5:30pmPT Where: Zoom Cost: $100, or pay what you can. Respond to this email if you have any questions, we would LOVE for you to join us! ​Click here to join us virtually on February 13th at 5:30pmPT.​